Every day PR pros ask me to hear their clients describe how they’re unique in the marketplace. But their emails are often full of such meaningless, vague jargon that I can’t tell what, if anything, their client has to say.
So I delete their pitches, probably missing some good insights. That’s bad for me, bad for the PR pro, bad for the client.
Here are some recent yawners I’ve received, with suggested proof points and news hooks that might have made me sit down and take a phone call with the client:
|Yawners||Proof points and hooks|
|“global”||“Our 5,000 professionals work from 16 offices in North America, Europe and China and development centers in India and Mexico.”|
|“solutions integrator”||“We provide everything from data center design to server racking to software configuration and training.”|
|“ transformation”||“We reduce the cost of ERP/CRM cloud migration by an average of 35%, and the time to value by 40%.”|
|“…We blend best of breed and emerging technologies…”||We find, test, implement and integrate the latest specialized testing tools so you can focus on application development and fast turnaround. ”|
|“….innovative accelerators…”||“Our `pre-flight checklists’ for SaaS integration reduce migration time by an average of 20%, while our proprietary License Checker assures you’re getting the best deal.”|
In each case, the added detail proves why the client is worth talking to and the specific areas they could comment on. Knowing they have offices in three continents proves they’re really global and not just hoping to be. Knowing they focus on ERP/CRM or cloud testing lets me know which future stories I should tap them for. Describing a tool like a “License Checker” makes me wonder how much a thing works and whether it might be worth a fun blog post.
P.S. Yes, all my suggestions are longer than the original text – but not horribly long. And the extra length is worth it if it keeps the reader engaged.
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